Okay so wonders upon wonders at Heaven, one of the hottest gay clubs in the world apparently, I get hit on. I meet this guy with a heavy French accent who falls extremely hard for me--I mean who wouldn't? We exchange numbers and he promises to call me on Saturday (looking really pitiful I might add).
He called me at noonish on Saturday and asked "when he could meet me?" not "if he could meet me" but WHEN. I said that I was working on papers and would call him about 3:30. Katie, Josselyn and I are at a pub and he calls twice and texts once BEFORE 3:30. I text him about meeting in Trafalgar--nice BIG and PUBLIC place. He doesn't text me back and everyone including Erik (who now joined us) says to call him. I call him and cannot understand a LICK of what he is saying. He keeps saying WHAT? because clearly to him "what" is the equivalent of of the 5Ws and the H and I am saying "what" because I do not understand a word he is saying. Everyone is cracking up and finally I am just like, "can you text me what you just said and we will discuss it that way?"
He calls back later and I understand EVERYTHING he says--why because he got a friend to call and ask questions. So Josselyn, Katie and Erik go with me to be my chaperones/body guards for this "date." The dubbed it Project Lovebirds. I tried to determine why exactly he was at Heaven and if this was a place he frequented but no progress made there. He also brought two friends but mine were incognito--just following us around in case he tried to drag me off into the London sunset. But as you can tell I lived to blog about it so all is well that ends well.
Tips for sketchy European dates:
1. BIG and PUBLIC places only
2. Order drinks in bottles--no food
3. If he calls a grand total of about 7 times in a day and makes you promise to call him the next day, you now have a big burly boyfriend/girlfriend just getting out of jail ready to maim anyone that has tried anything with you.
4. Let him know that "come home with me" is not appropriate first ten minute conversation
5. Hire the crackjack bodyguard team of Josselyn, Katie and Erik--they have top of the line equipment, the ability to meet randoms in Trafalgar and x-ray vision for those really sketchy times.
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3 comments:
Oh man, I keep randomly laughing about this afternoon. I think our presence really intimidated him especially with Katie's quick thinking public phone usage and my potential kidnapping by the Hungarian Portuguese man who thought I was gay.
One must also mention our incredible costume hability. I mean, we totally could have passed as tourists.
Man it was funny!! Ash you need to go on more random dates so we can tag along. hahaha
Reading this post and laughing at work. Hilarious.
Love from New York!
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